Three months ago Paul and I found out we were pregnant and we were so excited. The timing wasn't ideal for us, but we were excited to be parents soon. Shortly thereafter we had a miscarriage. It wasn't devastatingly sad, but it was harder on me than I thought it would be. We were leaving to Scotland just a few weeks after it happened, which I thought would be nice. I would be away from life and have time to heal.
We found out that we were pregnant again a few days ago. My heart is so happy right now its hard to express in words. Yet I find myself a little fearful of going through the same experience I had previously. I know that the Lord has his hands in all things and that what is meant to be will happen. So I just keep on with life, patiently waiting to make it past 12 weeks so my chances go down. While I am only at five weeks right now I still have a ways to go.
I do want to write some of my feelings about pregnancy though. This one has surprisingly been quite different than the last one, but perhaps thats because with the last one I didn't make it very far. I have truly been blessed to not have morning sickness. I get nauseas when I am hungry, but if I eat I am fine. The only problem is that if I eat too much, my stomach feels like there is a balloon inside. So I have to eat small meals frequently to keep the balance. Its good though because it keeps me from over eating. My body is tired, but not half as tired as it was three months ago. I still have the energy to wake up at 5:30 AM to work out with Bambi. I still have energy to do crossfit workouts, and I still have energy for frisbee. I don't know how long it will last, but for now its great.
I have not had any cravings yet. Part of me wants to attribute it to the fact that the minute I found out I was pregnant I went off processed sugars cold turkey. Before I was eating whatever I wanted, and I craved ice cream and candy all the time. Now I don't crave anything. I want fresh vegetables sometimes, but I have plenty of them to keep me satisfied for a while.
Paul and I have decided to call our little nugget skittles. We are so excited to know there is a baby growing inside me, but I think we are a little terrified at the reality of everything. My hormones have been up and down the past few weeks. Not crazy up and down, but certainly not normal. I am grateful that my husband is so patient and kind with me. He puts up with a lot and knows just what to do when I am an emotional train wreck. I am so blessed. I can't wait for the rest of this adventure.
Everything is so surreal right now. Hopefully in a few more weeks, everything will set in and I will actually feel like I am pregnant, and going to be a mom in a few months.
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